Dare The FMA Cast!
by ValleyOfDeath
Summary: Dare the cast of FMA. NO M RATED MATERIAL!
1. Chapter 1

*ValleyOfDeath crashes through a random window*

Val: HELLO READERS! I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE ENTIRE FMA CAST! TIME FOR DARES WITH VAL!

Everyone: hi!

Ed: why do you have a megaphone? And aren't you a boy?

Val: BECAUSE MEGAPHONES ARE FUCKING AWESOME! I AM A BOY, BUT I THINK VAL SOUNDS GOOD!

Ed: you are wierd.

Val: COMPLETELY.

Ed: I hate you with all my being.

Roy: me too.

Val: FOR THAT I NOW ALLOW YOAI/YURI DARES!

Roy and Ed: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Val: *evil smile* AND NOW LETS GIVE A HAND FOR CREED AND BIANCA!.

Creed: hello Val!

Bianca: GLOMP DA VAN HOHO! *glomps*

Hoenhiem: NO NOT YOU TOO!

Val: *creepy Kururu laugh* AND FINALLY WE HAVE WERNER! *puts up megaphone*

Werner: I hate you with all my being. -_-

Val: now to start I have a dare for the male cross-dressing palm tree.

Envy: 1. I AM NOT A DAMN PALM TREE! 2. I AM NOT A CROSS-DRESSER!

Val: *mutters* miniskirt.

Envy: *death glare* I SWEAR IF YOU WEREN'T AN IMMORTAL DOVAKIN-

Val: I know now shut up.

Envy: :[

Val: Envy has to die!

Envy: Ok- wait, WHAT!?

Val: THIS IS FOR HUGHES!

Envy: *suddenly dies*

Everyone but Val, Creed, Bianca and Werner: 0_0

Creed: the power of a dovakin is scary.

Ed: what is a dovakin?

Val: a dovakin is a half-breed of dragon and human. I have very good combat skills, and do you think I got this sense of humor from a human?!

Ed: 0_0 HOW THE HELL DOES THAT WORK!?

Val: I will not answer that.

Creed: *sighs* Val does not own Fullmetal Alchemist-

Val: or Royai would have happened long ago.

Roy and Riza: ...

Val: REVIEW/PM ME YOUR DARES! NO M RATED MATERIAL!

Ed: not the megaphone...

*note* everyone is vulnerable to dares (even me)


	2. Chapter 2

Val: OK lets get to work.

Creed: We only have three dares and a question.

Val: -_-' wow.

Creed: The first thing is the question by **BayHawk**.

**Um...so let me get this straight-we just dare any FMA character to do something?**

Val: *annoyed* YES THAT IS WHAT WE HAVE BEEN SAYING!

Creed: Val are you OK?

Val: NO I AM PISSED OFF!

Creed: At what?

Val: AT LIFE!

Creed: of course. ANYWHO, the next one might be a dare.

Val: Might?

Creed: It is very unclear by **Illovebooks**.

**ED AND ROY!  
Not M... BUT CLOSE!  
YesYes... I am evil... But the colonel deserves it...  
AND ED'S A SHORT BRAT!**

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE MIGHT GET STEPPED ON!

Val: Well how do we make it almost M?

Creed: I don't know.

Val: *thinks for a second and smiles* I got an idea.

Roy: I know that smile, this will not be good.

Val: You know me so well. *snaps fingers and Ed and Roy are in only their underwear*

EdRoy Fangirls: *outside the window* *nosebleed*

Val: Good thing that was replaced with six-inch bullet-proof glass after I broke it.

Ed: WHAT THE FUCK!

Roy: I WILL INCINERATE YOU!

Val: Whatever now KISS DAMN YOU!

Ed and Roy: *so scared that they kiss*

EdRoy Fangirls: *squel as they see Roy slide his tounge into Ed's mouth*

***two minutes later***

Val: alright you can stop now.

Ed and Roy: *continue to kiss*

Val: I said you can stop now.

Ed: *snakes hands up to put around Roy's neck*

Roy: *puts his arms around Ed*

Val: I think we broke them.

Riza: I will help them. *pushes the kissing couple into a room and locks the door behind her*

Val: Wonder what she is doing *hears shots* never mind.

Ed and Roy: *comes out bloody with faces red as roses*

Winry: *crying* Ed how could you *throws wrench at him and runs off*

Ed: *gets hit by wrench* OWW DAMN IT!.

Val: Well that was entertaining.

Roy: THIS NEVER HAPPENED!

Creed: *pulls out hidden video recorder laughing like crazy* Oh *hic* too late for that I have it all on video.

Roy: DESTROY THAT INFERNAL DEVICE!

Creed: No. *uploads video to every major site*

Val: ANYWAYS! Lets get to my favorite demon bear (I actually know quite a few) **Grizz Lee!**

**It's so nice to see a dare fic made by a male author, in fact, any fic made by a male author. MASCULINITY!  
This dare is for Envy, you must call yourself a palmtree-haired, cross-dressing, hermaphroditic idiot in front of everyone, then repeatedly punch yourself in the nads. If you refuse, I will decapitate you with my claws, eat it, poop it out, then put it back on your head. Just try to hurt me, I'm immortal.  
And I have gifts for you Val that you can use throughout the show! Heres a chainsawgun, flamethrower, water balloons with milk inside, a giant anvil, and my pet kitty Yolanda. Thanks**

Val: Well thank and I hope you are not meaning that in a sexist way because you should never be sexist.

Everyone: *surprised* You, of all people, are not sexist?

Val: Nope because the girls in my school actually hit harder than the boys.

Envy: I hate you all. I WON'T DO IT!

Val: *glares*

Envy: I am a palmtree-haired, cross-dressing, hermaphroditic idiot. *punches itself in the nads repeatedly* please don't kill me.

Val: See? That wasn't so hard. *thinks for a second* Oh great I forgot something.

Everyone: What?

Val: *snaps his fingers and everyone that died is back* (Tucker didn't die, but I brought him from wherever he was hiding).

Ed and AL: NINA! *glomps*

Team Mustang: HUGHES! *glomps*

Ed: *sees Tucker and turns to Val* WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Val: He can do dares too I did say ENTIRE FMA cast. *sees Yolanda* What the hell do I do with this (not a cat person at all).

Al: OH MY GOSH A KITTY! *grabs Yolanda and death hugs*

Val: And thanks for all that... useful equipment.

Tucker: I need to start on my chimera projects again. *grabs Yolanda* EXCELENT SUBJECT!

Val: *aims chainsawgun* PUT THE CAT DOWN NOW!

Tucker: *slowly puts cat down and takes a step back and they all hear a noise*

Val: NO TUCKER MOVE!

Tucker: *is crushed by a giant anvil*

Val: DAMN IT THAT WAS FOR ENVY!

Envy: WHAT?!

Creed: *thinking fast* Uhh... oh Val the next dare is from **fangirl2013**.

**if i could dare ed it would be to join the host club to become a gentleman**

Val: That my friend is a lost cause.

Ed: *glares* NEVER I AM NOT HANGING OUT WITH THAT SORRY EXCUSE FOR A CLUB!

Val: *sighs and throws Ed into the world of Ouran Highschool Host Club*

Ed: AHHHHHHH!

Val: We will see the results next time!

Creed: Can I say Gluttony is a fat weirdo?

Gluttony: Can I eat him?

Val: *glares*

Gluttony: *whines*

**See ya next time, and no more questions unless it is actually about the Dare part of the fic. I don't want to rip off Dfire. Also I can't really go farther than what you saw here.**


	3. Chapter 3

Val: And we're back.

Creed: The next dare is-

Val: Wait we have to show them something.

Creed: Oh yeah.

Val: *snaps fingers and Ed is back* So how did it go?

Ed: Can you put Al back in his normal body?

Val: Umm...OK *snaps fingers and Al is in his normal body*

Ed: Oh brother how I love you so! *envelopes Al in a hug and it looks like he is going to kiss him*

Al: BROTHER WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! PLEASE STOP!

Val: 0_0 Least I know who trained him. *goes into the world of Ouron to scold Hikaru and Kouru.*

Creed: OK well the next few dares are from, **Grizz Lee**.

**TUCKER! How dare you threaten Yolanda! Note: my sister came up with the name:(  
Dear Tucker,  
You must fight me to the death. *Eyes glow red and claws unsheathe* DIE A HORRID DEATH YOU WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN! (Sorry, I'm tired and cranky from last night, the things spring break can do.)**

Tucker: -_- *fights Grizz Lee and dies*

Val: Wow; two seconds. He didn't last long.

Ed: Of course not.

**Dear Havoc,  
You must take Roy's gloves and burn down everyplace that sells cigarettes.**

Havoc: Damn you. *takes Roy's gloves and burns down everyplace that sells cigarettes*

Val: Well that fixed his smoking-

Havoc: *smokes a cigarette*

Val: How the fuck do you still have cigarettes?

Havoc: I have my ways.

**Dear Riza,  
You must wear a tiny miniskirt and say "I shall join the miniskirt army with all my heart, soul, and leghairs!"**

Riza: T_T OK. *goes into the changing room*

Val: WHAT?! YOUR NOT EVEN GOING TO ARGUE?!

Riza:Well I am not that juvenile. *comes out wearing a tiny blue miniskirt*

Roy: *nosebleed*

Ed: You pervert.

Roy: I AM NOT A PERVERT!

Riza: I shall join the miniskirt army with all my heart, soul, and leghairs!

Everyone: *laughs like maniacs*

**Dear Lin,  
You must open your eyes for one minute without closing your  
eyes.**

Val: We will just assume you meant Ling.

Ling: Ummm...OK. *opens eyes*

**(one minute later)**

Ling: OWW THAT HURTS! *rubs teary eyes* HOW CAN YOU HANDLE THAT!

Val: Ummm... we don't. We usually blink.

**Darius,  
DO DA MONKEE!**

Darius: I find that offensive.

Val: Nobody cares NOW DO IT!

Darius: *does the monkey*

Everyone: *laughs*

**And Armstrong,  
"Enlighten" Val.**

Armstrong: I WILL ENLIGHTEN HIS TORTURED SOUL WITH THE MUSCLES THAT HAVE BEEN PASSED DOWN THE ARMSTRONG LINE FOR GENERATIONS! *tears shirt off, sparkles and runs towards Val*

Val: Yeaaa! *runs towards Armstrong*

Ed and Roy: ARE YOU INSANE!?

Val: YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT!

Armstrong: *envelopes Val in a 'enlightening' death hug*

Val: *struggles to breathe*

Creed: Too bad he can't die. He will have to endure the entire hug.

Ed: *laughing*

Roy: I almost feel sorry for him...almost.

Armstrong: OH YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE SAD ANYMORE CHILD! YOU ARE NOW ENLIGHTENED! *lets go of Val*

Val: *coughs as he tries to breathe* That...was...AWESOME!

Creed: Well now for a dare from **Amabee30**.

**Hey Ed. Go kiss Alphonse XD**

Ed: *still in Ouran mode* Of course! *goes over to Al*

Al: HEY! BROTHER WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Ed: *giggles* *kisses Al*

Al: AHHH! BROTHER DON'T DO THAT! *wipes his mouth*

Val: OK I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF COOPERATIVE ED! *punches Ed in the jaw*

Ed: *blacks out and wakes up a little bit later* Uhhhh...DAMN IT I CAN'T BELIEVE I KISSED AL! *wipes his mouth*

Val: There is the Fullmetal idiot I know and lo...I mean hate.

Ed: The feeling is mutual.

Bianca: OK Julius took a coffee break so I read the next dare by **Saianpelt**.

**I dare Gluttony to lock himself in a cage, eat the key, and then have all the fat people you can find surround him. MUAHUAHUA!**

Gluttony: *locks himself in a cage and eats the keys*

Val: *gets a bunch of fat people to stand around the cage*

**(Ten bloody minutes later)**

Val: I guess we forgot he can eat through any metal.

Ed: So many people are dead.

Creed: Well next dare by **Musa1992**.

**I dare Ed to drink 15 gallons of milk while everyone calls him small, short, pipsqueak, etc... That means you Winry and Al! And Ed CANT show any effectiveness towards that! **

Val: You heard her Ed. *glares*

Ed: Eeeep! *drinks 15 gallons of milk*

Everyone: YOU ARE A SHORT PIPSQUEAK! YOU ARE SO SMALL YOU MICROSCOPIC!

Ed: *fuming with anger*

**Also, Riza has to watch her guns get distroyed by Roy! MWUAHAHAHA!**

Riza: And that is suposed to affect me how?

Roy: *destroys Riza's guns*

Riza: *goes into her closet* While it is not my prefered weapon...*pushes aside something heavy* it does help if I find myself without a firearm. *comes back out wielding a crossbow*

Val: *spots a bottle of fluid on a string on the bottom of the crossbow and all the color drains from his face* I-is that?

Riza: *spots the bottle* Yep that is Dragon Bane.

Val: EEEEP! RUN AWAY! *flees*

Creed: Well now we have to go get him!


	4. Chapter 4

**(A.N. Sorry if there is any problems with the way I make the chimera like Dorochet or Heinkel, but I haven't seen much of Brotherhood. I'm maybe on the thirteenth episode or something like that.)**

Val: Hello again everybody. After Creed dragged me back from (location withheld) I will now continue!

Creed: HOW THE HELL DID YOU EVEN GET TO (location withheld)?!

Val: You shall never know KUKU!

Bianca: Well the next dares are from **Grizz Lee**!

**Oh no! *Destroys Dragon Bane* You owe me. :) PS: "Lin" is how Ling's name was spelled in the manga, so blame Lord Arakawa!**

**Dear Creed, I want you to have a free-for-all battle with Darius, Heinkel, Jerso, Zanpano, Martel, Dorochet, Roa, and Bido. And there better be some actually fighting.*Glares at D-Fire* JK**

Val: Oh THANK YOU! OK my bad, and I will write this dare as an actual story. LETSA GO!

Creed is walking through an underground tunnel for some reason. He muttered something. "Damn Winry and her damn tools. 'Oh Creed! You dropped my stuff down into the sewers! Go get it!' DAMN IT!" He stepped on a pressure plate and a giant hole opened in the wall.

"The hell?!" He stepped through to see an arena. In a glass booth overlooking the arena, three figures looked down at him. On the other side, another hole opened and some other chimera came through.

One guy stepped forward. "Why the hell are we here?!"

The window rolled down and Bianca stuck her head out. Creed's jaw hit the floor. "B-B-BIANCA?!"

Bianca smiled widely. "you will fight for Val and Grizz Lee's amusement and the winner will receive riches, fame, immortality and the title of Deadliest Chimera!" She then proceeded to close the window.

Creed sweat-dropped. "Really? Deadliest Chimera?!" He facepalmed. "I'm surrounded by idiots."

Then Val's voice thundered through the arena. "GET TO IT!"

The Chimeras attacked each other, not wanting to incur the wrath of Val. Darius attacked Jerso as Roa tried to smash Creed with a sledgehammer, but Creed dodged it. Creed plunged his claws into Roa's back and Darius threw the mother-of-all-rocks at Jerso, striking him in the head and snapping his neck. As Roa bled out, Creed interrupts Heinkel's slaughtering of Bido.

Val pushes a button and, as Creed tackled Heinkel, the terrain sloped and Creed and Heinkel went for a roll. At the bottom Heinkel managed to tear off Creed's arm. "DIE!" He was about to land the killing blow when Bido, who was barely alive, tackled him and they fell off a cliff that wasn't there a second ago. Creed took shelter under a slab of rock until his arm healed.

Martel took shelter behind a giant rock as Zampano launched spikes at her. He didn't know Dolcetto (or Dorochet) was behind him until it was too late. He wheeled around as Dolcetto (or Dorochet) plunged his sword into the pig chimera's heart. Martel snuck a peek around the rock to come face-to-face with Dolcetto (or Dorochet)."Well, time to die Martel."

Martel thought of a plan. She leaned against the rock with her right shoulder, hiding her right hand behind her back. "Oh come on Dorochet, are you really going to let those idiots up there control your actions?" She waved her hand in the general direction of the watchers.

Dorochet, his interest piqued, ventured out. "Then what do you propose?"

Martel smiled. "Well we could fake my death and you could finish Darius and the other idiot."

As Dorochet thought this through he felt a sharp, agonizing pain in his back. Even without looking he knew what happened. "Sneaky little snake." He fell forward, the dagger still sticking out of his back.

Martel reeled her arm back in and pulled her dagger out of Dorochet. "That leaves Darius and whoever the other one is."

Creed got up, relieved that his arm had healed. He looked around to see Darius charging at him. He jumped over the charging chimera and rolled. He bounced back up to see Martel. Martel, already doing the motion before Creed even came up, drove the dagger through his jaw and up into his skull. He was dead before he hit the ground.

In the booth Val was rolling on the floor laughing. Grizz looked up and cocked an eyebrow. "Your chimera just lost and you're laughing?"

Val looked at the demon bear. "I know. Isn't it interesting to see them fight and kill each other?!" He then fell back into another wave of laughter. After he was finished laughing, Val shook his head and got back up. "I am a bit surprised that Martel lasted this long."

Martel and Darius squared off. They both could easily kill the other if the chance came around. Martel charged at Darius, who dodged her lunge with the dagger. He grabbed her arm and tried to grab her neck, but she jumped over him. He let go of her arm and tried to turn around, but Martel slit his throat.

Martel stood there for a minute. "I won."

Val suddenly appeared behind Martel. "So you won. Here you go." He gave her a badge. She looked at it:

_**Greetings from the trolling guild. You have just been tricked into thinking you won a fight, when in actuality you have just been knocked out for a while and this never happened. TROLOLOLOLOLOL!**_

Just as Martel realized what happened an audible *pop* filled the room and she turned to find that Val was no longer there.

Val started laughing uncontrollably again as he turned to Grizz. "And that is how you troll somebody."

Val: So how was that?

Darius: That never would have happened!

Val: I know, I don't know anything about you guys so I went crazy with this.

Creed: Anyway lets move on.

**Dear Armstrong,  
You must keep your shirt on for 24 hours.(Ai Shaziri rejected this dare because it was "boring".)**

Armstrong: OK

***ten seconds later***

Armstrong: OH VAL I MUST ENLIGHTEN YOU AND FIX YOUR VIEW ON THIS WORLD WITH MY WONDERFUL MUSCLES! *tears shirt off and death-hugs Val*

Val: *smiling* Hooray. Someone didn't do their dare. NOW SUFFER A PUNISHMENT FAR WORSE THAN DEATH!

Armstrong: *disappears*

Ed: What could be worse than death?

Val: Excalibur's five-hour lecture.

Ed: 0_0 THAT IS WORSE!

Val: Damn right it is.

**Dear Heinkel,  
I will put a catnip-covered mouse over your head for 5 minutes. If you be a good kitty, I'll give it to you**.

Heinkel: Oh, I hate you oh so very much, but fine.

Val: Wait, you're a lion chimera right?

Heinkel: Yes.

Val: Then shouldn't you not be affected by catnip? (I don't really know)

Heinkel: He did say mouse and I am ever so hungry.

Val: Eat Tucker.

Heinkel: No. *eats mouse*

**Dear Ed,  
Dress in this shrimp costume for 3 chapters**

Ed: Yeah and maybe I should kick your-

Val: Edo. Remember the punishment?

Ed: 0_0 *puts on shrimp costume*

Roy: *bursts out laughing*

Izumi: *throws a knife*

Ed: *barely ducks under knife* AHHH!

Izumi: Chopped shrimp, anyone?

Val: *thinking* Wow I can't believe she made a joke.

Everyone except Ed: *laughs at Ed*

Ed: *to Al* Traitor!

Al: *shrugs* sorry, brother, but it's just too funny.

Ed: *goes on swearing tirade*

**Dear Jerso,  
Go in the room of flys but don't eat any flys.**

Jerso: Are you kidding me?

Val: DO IT!

Jerso: *goes into room and comes out 10 minutes later* There, happy?

**And Val'O'Def,  
Say that Ouran High School Host Club is gay. (Just kidding, I like it to, but still do the dare.)**

Val: Never! *disappears*

Ed: Wow, he really meant the whole susceptable to dares and stuff.

Creed: Next is **Dragonfire Alchemist**! or as we call her, **D-fire**!

**Hi Val! I actually have a dare for, hmmm... Shou Tucker, because I'm feeling evil. Tucker, you have to let every availible FMA character kill you, one at a time! AHAHAHAHA!**

Creed: Well Val and Alex getting lectured and most of the other characters are not here so it is me, Bianca, Darius, Roy, Ed, Winry and Riza. And Nina, but she will not partake in this.

Tucker: I ever so hate you all!

Creed: *uses tail to hit Tucker so hard it breaks his spine and then claws him to ribbons*

Tucker: *revives* Oh that hu-

Roy: *burns Tucker to a crisp*

Tucker: *revives* Damn it tha-

Ed: *pummels Tucker with rock pillars and cuts him in two with his sword arm*

Tucker: *revives* OH COME ON! TH-

Riza: *points guns and shoots Tucker repeatedly*

Tucker: *revives* -_- Now I am pi-

Winry: *throws a bunch of wrenches at Tucker, which repeatedly strike him in the skull*

Tucker: *revives* SON OF A BI-

Bianca: *claws Tucker to ribbons as well*

Tucker: *revives* Tis but a fle-

Darius: *hits Tucker over the head with a giant rock*

Tucker: *revives* Is-is it over?

Creed: *sigh* Yep, and that was entertaining. Now **Musa1992**.

**Nice! Although i was going for Riza freaking out about her guns and stuff but... Who cares, it was funny! Ok, I dare Winry to destroy every single piece of automail stuff there is!**

Winry: NO!

Ed: Winry, please.

Winry: MY AUTOMAIL IS TOO IMPORTANT!

Ed: Come on Winry do it.

Creed: JUST DO IT ITS ONLY AUTOMAIL!

Winry: Fine! I HATE YOU ALL! *destroys all the automail*

Winry: *sniffles*

Creed: OH COME ON ITS JU- *gets knocked on his ass by the wrench Winry threw*

Some Random Dude: *runs in* K.O.! *runs out*

Creed: X_X *out cold*

Bianca: Ok the five hours should be up right about...

Val and Alex: *fall out of the sky and faceplant*

Bianca: ...Now.

Ed: Ohhh...need some water for that faceplant?

Val and Alex: *get up* 0_0

Creed: *wakes up and sees them* Guys are you OK?

Val: ANYWAYS!

Creed: -_- Well he recovered quickly.

Val: So Grizz wants a description of me?

Creed: *nods*

Val: Well I have dark brown eyes and shoulder-length, jet-black hair. I am not exactly "muscular", but I am not fat either. I am at the 2nd stage of fatness "healthy".

Creed: You watch too much Gabriel Iglesias!

Val: I know, I am kidding I am not fat at all, but like I said not muscular. Well to be fair, this body is a bit under developed for much testosterone. Being stuck at thirteen SUCKS!

Creed: But your body will age.

Val: Yep this is my fifth reincarnation, and I am about 453.

Ed: REALLY?!

Val: Yep. I IS INVULNERABLE!

Creed: *whispering to everyone* Not against Dragon Bane he isn't.

Val: I am caucasian and 5' 5".

Ed: Well you're not much taller than me.

Val: Yeah, but my body's age is thirteen, remember?

Ed: -_-

also a review from **Anonymous** that we will be looking at.

**A dragon-human hybrid/crossbreed/whatever isn't called a dovakin...**

Val: HAHA! YES! BONUS POINTS FOR YOU MY FRIEND!

Creed: Say what?

Val: Since you figured it out I will explain. A Dovakin is NOT a cross-breed or hybrid of a dragon and man per se, but a man with the blood of a dragon. A gift passed down from millennia, a secret breed of man that were made to be strength of a dragon with the body of a man. And for the kind of dragon blood that courses through our veins is the blood of dragons that use their powers in a Thu'um (thume) , or shout. I can make myself ethereal (unable to be harmed, nor do harm) or even burn things to the ground.

Creed: Well, it sounds awesome!

Val: Yeah it actually is awesome and the next dare is from **SlothZilla**.

**I dare the entire FMA cast to beat the shit out of Val and he can't do a thing about it**

Val: I am going to kill my cousin.

Creed: How do you know he is your cousin?

Val: I helped him make his account.

Creed: OK so uhm...lets get this over with.

Everyone: *gangs up on Val*

***Ten Minutes Later***

Val: *perfectly fine* Well that was a waste of time.

Everyone: *breathless and tired*

Val: OK now the next dares are from **TruthsMessage**. Wait, if you're the message, who's the courier?

**Roy I dare you to wear a tiny miniskirt and do the hula dance!**

Roy: I am going to burn her/him alive.

Val: Just do it for Crist sake.

Roy: *puts on a tiny miniskirt and does the hula dance* I hate you. I hate you. I hate you all!

Val: Yeah Roy, go go go go!

Roy: *death glare*

Val: *laughing his fucking head off*

Ed: *videotapes and face is red from laughter*

Roy: ED, IF THIS VIDEO IS ON ANY MAJOR SITE YOU WILL DO MY PAPERWORK FOR A MONTH LIKE WITH THE OTHER THING!

Riza: *points loaded pistol* What was that?! Shirking off duties?!

Roy: *stops dancing and panics* NONONO! IT WAS JUST MINOR THINGS!

**Ed I dare you to drink a gallon of Milk without complaint or spitting it out!**

Ed: -_-

Val: Ed.

Ed: COME ON, CAN'T YOU CUT ME SOME SLACK?!

Val: Would I be a good author if I did?

Ed: *sighs and drinks a gallon of milk* OH! THIS IS DREADF- *disappears*

Val: *sighs* Well damn it.

**Oh and I grant Val a magic Pony of DOOM! And Al a Kitten.**

Val: HELL YEAH! I shall name him Stormagedon, dark lord of all horses!

Creed:-_- And too much Doctor Who.

Al: OH MY GOSH A KITTY! *pets kitty and hugs it*s

**Oh and I want someone to kill Kimblee, Tucker and Envy for me. I hate their guts!**

Val: Oh Kimblee is not an acceptable target. CRIMSON BOMBERS FOREVA!

Kimblee: Oh thank y- *gets run-over by a powder-blue Prius*

Val: THANKS JEFF! And memento, I don't actually support the Crimson Bombers (or whatever you call them) I just used that as part of my lie.

Tucker: WHY ME?!

Superman Prime: *appears and blinks Tucker out of existence*

Val: Thanks Sups! *high fives Superman Prime*

Envy: *annoyed* Well see ya in Hell!

Val: *repeatedly runs over Envy with a semi until he actually dies* Don't you love these things?! And the next dares are from **PikachuGirl98**.

**1. ** **Humunculi (i have no idea if i spelt that right :P ) apologize for all the bad things that you have done.**

Val: Homunculi is spelled like... well I just spelled it.

Homunculi: HELL NO!

Val: *death glare*

Homunculi: We're sorry for everything!

Val: Now was that so hard?

**2. Envy you have to go and apologize to Hughes wife and daughter and accept what ever punishment they give you**

Envy: ...

Val: *glares*

Envy: I am sorry.

Val: Address the person.

Envy: I am sorry uhm...

Val: Gracia and Elysia.

Envy: I am sorry Gracia and Elysia.

Val: FOR?!

Envy: I am sorry Gracia and Elysia for killing Maes Hughes.

Gracia: GO AWAY! *cries* JUST GO!

Elysia: Mommy, what does the palm tree mean?

Envy: *glares*

Val: touch her and you will experience something worse than Excalibur's five-hour lecture.

Envy: *backs off and looks at you* I am going to kill you so bad.

Val: NO KILLING THE READERS! *Reaper-Chops Envy*

Envy: OW! Why did you do that?!

Val: For breaking the fourth wall!

**3. Ed, kiss...me**

Ed: *laughs uneasily and then stops* Wait your SERIOUS?!

Val: *snaps and PikachuGirl98 appears*

Ed: Really Val? No slack?

Val: *shakes head and laughs*

Ed: *kisses PikachuGirl98*

Val: *sends her back just before a wrench glides by* WOW! That was close. Another moment and someone would have hurt her.

Winry: *angry* WELL I MISSED! I WAS AIMING FOR THAT GOOD FOR NOTHING ALCHEMY FREAK!

Ed: What?! Why?!

Winry: Your letting my automail rust. *points to spot and then chases Ed*

Ed: VAL IF YOU SAVE ME I WILL BE YOUR PERSONAL SLA- *thinks for a second* YOU KNOW WHAT, NEVER MIND!

Val: *laughs*

Roy: You noticed it too?

Val: *nods* Mmhm.

Roy: Yep... no rust spot.

**4. Al, go ask Armstrong to give you lessons on how to be more manly**

Al: Uhmmm...OK? *goes off to find Armstrong*

Val: Well he is gone. *plays game related to dying kittens* DIE DIE DIE DIE!

**5. Winry, explain to me how you make automail**

Winry: Well its fairly simple. First you *explains how to make automail*

Val: 0_0 *head explodes*

Creed: He is also not immune to information overload.

**6. Roy, call yourself useless even when it's not raining**

Roy: I am useless.

Ed: YOU EVEN ADMIT YOUR SO USELESS! *dances around taunting Roy*

Roy: Fullmetal, have you finished that report?

Ed: *freezes then goes to finish report*

**7. Gluttony go eat 1234567890 elephants, are you still hungry?**

Gluttony: *eats all the elephants* Yes. I wonder if dragon-blooded human tastes good?

Val: Don't even think about it.

**Well that's all for now. And sorry I haven't updated in forever. My life is pretty hectic with the end of the school year and all that. I should be updating sooner than ever though!**


	5. Chapter 5

Val: *wakes up with killer headache* *groans* What happened?

Creed: Well you walked in here drunk off your ass, and you'll hear plenty when you summon the cast.

Val: No I was having tea with Sheogorath, walked to the woods with Icarus, fought gods with Kratos and then I met... *enraged* I am gonna kill Sanguine.

Creed: um...ok? Now a dare from **Brook Uchiha-Spark Alchemist**

**Oh oh oh! I dare Roy and Riza to kiss for 1 minute :D hehe**

Val: *still making plans to kill Sanguine but snaps and Roy and Riza appear* You two are doing a dare.

Roy: *groans as well* I just got done with my paperwork that took me all night to finish, I would kill to get to bed, so of course I am the first to get dared.

Val: *growls and turns to everyone* FINE! You don't have to- *eyes widen and starts sweating profusely* I mean just do it! Kiss Riza!

Roy: What?!

Val: *grunts twice* *to Creed* Rodney, Oliver, Yelnats, Arklight and Iotis say Frank, Alvin, Nelson and Sylvia are idiots!

Creed: *nods and grabs the two girls holding Dragon Bane covered knives to Val's back* You are some sad Royai fans, you know that?!

Girl One: We just want to see it happen once. PLEASE! *look that I will name Ultimate Puppy Dog Eyes*

Val: *growls again at all the noise upsetting his headache* Ohdamnitalltohell! *focuses Author Powers*

Roy and Riza: *come closer together and lips meet*

The Two Royai Fans: *squeal and screech*

Val: *noise upsets his headache and his concentration slips* OW! I HAVE A HEADACHE OVER HERE! DAMN FAN GIRLS! *makes Roy and Riza kiss for a minute* There. *releases them and points to Riza* How come you didn't say anything the whole time?

Riza: *glares and turns away*

Val: What did I do?!

Creed: *whispers in Val's ear*

Val: *jumps away* WHAT DO YOU MEAN I GROPED HER?!

Creed: You were drunk. And she shot you, but thankfully you can't die from regular bullets.

Val: But I don't do that!

Creed: Well apparently you do.

Val: *starts freaking out* If I did that, what else did I do?!

Creed: *sly smile* Well we'll see, now won't we? Now **TruthsMessage**

**I am a girl Mustang-Baka and no I will not wear a miniskirt. That is your job XD**

Roy: WHAT THE HELL?!

Val: QUIETER! *glares and summons everyone else*

**I'M SOOOOO SORRY EDO-KUN! I MADE YOU HAVE TO ENDURE EXCALIBUR'S FIVE HOUR LECTURE! All I wanted to do was help you grow ;_;**

Ed: Well now I am gonna kick your-

Val: Uh... Ed... where is your arm?

Ed: *glares* You sold it to a giant.

Val: *does Shinigami-Sama's head tilt* I did?

Ed: Yes, you bastard.

Val: *makes Ed's arm appear* Sorry shrimp. *reattaches it*

Ed: You can do that?! AND I'M NOT SHORT!

Val: *glares at Ed* What part of 'shut up, I have a headache' don't you understand?

Ed: The part where I am supposed to care.

**Your welcome! be nice and post this up and I might just give you more awesome things of DOOM! ;)**

Val: A rabbit please. MONTY PYTHON!

Ed: What the hell...?

**DIE MOTHER FUCKERS! *Kills Tucker, Kimblee and Envy* **

Tucker: OH SHI-*dies*

Kimblee: WELL I HATE YOU A- *dies*

Envy: OF COURSE YO- *dies*

Val: *groans and puts hands over his ears* Would you please die quietly?! Well she wants to appear in the story. *makes TruthsMessage appear*

TM: **First I'm giving Val-San ten awesomely awesome ninjas to do his bidding :)**

Val: Sweet! *sends ninjas after Sanguine* YOU CAN DO IT!

Creed: *whispers to Val* So do they have a chance?

Val: *whispers to Creed* No chance in hell against a deadric prince.

TM: **I give Miss Riza a new gun!**

Riza: why thank you.

Val: It's a Makarov!

Riza: *glares at Val*

Val: Still mad at me.

TM: **Ling-Kun coupons to an all you can eat buffet!**

Ling: Well thanks.

Val: Don't tell me I did anything to you.

Ling: Nope. Although I did see you buy a wedding ring.

Val: *look of horror* I-is that so?

TM: **Mai-chan a cute outfit for Xiao May!**

Mai: Thanks!

Val: ...

Mai: No, you didn't do anything.

TM: **and Al-kun another kitten!**

Al: Aww a kitty! And no Val you didn't do anything to me.

Val: Well OK then moving on.

TM:** I'm sorry Edo-Kun. I couldn't convince Truth to give you your arm and leg back. But I got you an even better present... A HUG FROM ME! *Glomps Ed***

Val: ARGH! The next person to start yelling (all caps) is going to pay!

Ed: *feels awkward* Uhmmm...thanks?

TM: **Mustang-Baka... *Walks up to Mustang with hands behind back and smug look on face* I got you a present to... *Pulls out super soaker and chases Mustang with it* *looks at Mustang for a second* How my friends think your cute I will never know...**

Mustang: *drenched* OH COME ON! WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE ACT MAT- *disappears*

Ed: What happened?

Val: *growling again* He is going to have a nice long chat with Herobrine, Slendy and Excalibur.

Riza: *disappears*

Ed: Why'd you do that, Val?

Val: Oh Herobrine did because he likes to ask whether the person I sent to him wants to die or have eternal suffering, and the extra, in this case Riza, gets the choice he didn't choose.

Ed: ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?!

Val: That has been scientifically proven, 'yes'. *disappears and comes back with Riza*

TM: **Here you go Envy *Gives Envy a box***

Envy: hrmph! This won't stop me when I kill you. *opens box* WHAT THE HELL?! ITS EMPTY!

TM: **Exactly! All you deserve is an Empty box.**

Envy: I AM GOING TO KILL EVERYONE STARTING WITH YO- *gets sucked into a black hole that disappears as quickly as it appeared*

Val: *growls and punches the wall, making the mother-of-all holes* Anyone else want to start yelling?!

TM: **You don't Even deserve a box Kimblee! YA CREEP! *Glares at him***

Kimblee: Well I don't much care what you think.

Tucker: I wonder what my gift-

TM: ***Ignores Tucker.* That is everything I can think of... WAIT! My friend wants me to dare Winry-Chan... Before I say this Winry-Chan you are one of my favourite characters and this is from my friend not me... She dares you to wear a bikini and do the chicken dance... I know what your thinking. I have weird friends T_T**

Val: You do have strange friends.

Winry: I don't want to.

Val: Winry... please. I don't have my usual (which is almost non-existant in the first place) patience.

Winry: I hate this stupid story! *puts on bakini and does the chicken dance*

Val: Well that was pretty much poi-

Excalibur: *appears with Roy* I have brought back the punished. Along with a little song:

Excalibur! Excalibur!  
From the United Kingdom!  
I'm looking for heaven!  
I'm going to Cal- ACK!

Val: *eyes are blood red and holding bloody axe* No... more... noise.

Creed: Jeez Val, calm down. And now **Musa1992****.**

**1) I dare Ed to do the knife game/five finger fillet (I HOPE YOU GET CUT!ME LUVS GORY STUUUFF!) AS FAST AS YOU CAN FOR A HOUR!**

Ed: *smug smile* Someone give me a knife.

Val: *hands him knife* Don't cut yourself, shrimpy.

Ed: *glares and plays five finger fillet; hands are moving fast enough to blur*

**ONE HOUR LA-GAK!**

**Val: *glare***

Creed: Did you just kill the narrator?

Val: Yep. *looks at Ed* Well he didn't cut himself. *gives Mustang five bucks*

Ed: *still got a smug smile*

**2) also, I dare Hughes to come back from the dead, try not to talk about Elysia FOR 48 HOURS AND THEN RANDOMLY SLAM YOUR FACE INTO A PIE! XD**

Val: I already resurrected him.

Hughes: OK! That ought to be easy enough.

***no time narration so everyone has to keep checking the clock***

Val: OK he did it. I never would have thought he could.

Hughes: *slams his face into a pie*

**3) Roy, I dare you to act like a girly/stupid princess for the next 2 chapters!**

Roy: *glares*

Val: *Ultimate Evil Glare*

Roy: 0_0 *puts on princess costume* I wish to go to the ball!

Val: No. And you don't need the costume.

Ed: *laughing to death* OH GOD! THIS IS TOO GOOD!

Creed: *fighting to hold back a red-eyed Val* Ed stop yelling!

**4) Riza, I dare you to act like a monkey for 3 hours!**

Riza: This is childish and impractical.

Creed: Just do it.

Riza: OOH! OOH! AH! AH! *starts walking around ape style*

***everyone waits three hours, checking the clock***

Val: OK times up.

Riza: Well then.

**5) Kimbly, please do admit that you've been a brony since you were 13 years old :{D**

Val: *glares* Kimblee...

Kimblee: I am a brony. Have been since I was 13.

Val: Wow, you're a good liar.

Kimblee: Yeah...lying.

**6) Alphonse Elric, i dare you to glue a mustache and goatee onto your face and act Italian(i know its stereo type but i just thought it would be funny :P)!**

Al: What is an Italian?

Val: A person from my dimension, just act like the guy from my video game.

Al: OK *puts on mustache and goatee and even a cap* *italian accent* Hey itsa me, Mario!

*blue blur speeds by and knocks out Al*

Ed: What in the world?! AL!

Val: Wait, I know that blur... oh and some dares from **Grizz**** Lee**.

**Armstrong: *drops a truckload of food* Eat aaaaalll of this.**

Armstrong: OF COURSE, AFTER ALL, BEING ABLE TO EAT VAST AMOUNTS OF FOOD HAS BEEN!

Val: If you yell 'passed down the Armstrong line for generations', I will send you to my Torture Squad!

Roy: *rocking back and forth in the corner* So cold, so cooooollllddd.

Armstrong: 0_0 *eats all of the food*

Val: Damn... didn't see that coming.

**Izumi: Admit that your old! *Readies Hellfire Roar***

Izumi: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Val: *glares* Use that Hellfire Roar and... wait I can't kill you or punish you... please don't.

Izumi: I WILL-

Val: Just...

Izumi: *Ultimate Death Glare*

Val: *Mega Death Glare of Ultimate Death*

Izumi: *sighs* I am old.

Ed: *small snicker*

Izumi: *kicks Ed through a wall* STOP LAUGHING SHORT STACK!

**Martel:I wanna see how far you can stretch!**

Martel: *stretches to her limit* Someone go measure?

Val: *measures* About thirty feet, give or take a few inches.

Martel: Well there you go.

**Dorchet: Greed will enter you in the Westminster dog show! Be good little doggy, or I. WILL. DESTROY. YOU**

Greed and Dorochet: This is going to be humiliating.

-at dog show-

Greed: Hello I would like to enter my, uh, dog in the dog show.

Girl: *looks at Greed and blushes* W-well, sorry sir, but that's a guy.

Greed: Well he is a dog chimera.

Girl: *blank look* A what?

Greed: Well never mind him. *shoves Dorochet outside* How about you and me-

Val: *bursts in* Greed I like you, but come on! DO THE DARE!

Greed: What? I did your dare. I tried to enter.

Val: But... Well... SCREW YOU! *runs off*

Girl: *confused* What was that?

Greed: Just a gay friend of mine. Anyways-

Val: *loud, but distant voice* I HEARD THAT!

-back at the warehouse-

Val: I am not gay!

Ed: PROVE IT!

Val: *snaps and all the girls (yes even Olivier) are in bikinis*

Olivier: How do you want to die? Slow and painful or quick and painful?

Val: *failing to hide nosebleed* Don't you mean quick and painless?

Olivier: *murder face* No.

Riza: This is unacceptable.

Winry: I WILL KILL YOU!

Val: I think Roy and Ed thinks it's perfectly acceptable.

Roy: *also failing to hide nosebleed*

Ed: *is also failing to hide nosebleed*

Val: Ed and Roy. Nosebleeding over Riza and Winry. *gets hit in the head by wrench*

All the Girls: *murder face*

Val: *Ultimate Death Glare* Try it.

**And Ed: Take off your automail,cover yourself in hot gravy, do the shapoopy, and scream, "KANGAROOS AH IN MY AHHLIDS! Do it or I will make you crap sideways.**

Creed: Well Val time to-

Val: *dead*

Creed: Who used the Dragon Bane?

Olivier and Riza: We did.

Creed: Well Ed...

Ed: HELL NO!

Creed: Ed...

Ed: I SAID NO!

Creed: *demonic voice* DO IT NOW!

Ed: *takes off automail, covers himself in hot gravy, does the shapoopy (whatever the hell that is)* KANGAROOS AH IN MY AHHLIDS! *disappears*

Creed: Why did he disappear?

Val: *resurrected* Because he was loud and annoying.

Creed: Well your back.

Val: And no headache! Now **Eron Elric aka the malchemist**

**1. I dare Ed to kiss Winry then propose to her.**

Ed: I can't back out of this, can I?

Val: Nope.

Ed: BUT I'M SIXTEEN!

Val: You think I care?

Ed: *goes over to Winry*

Val: WAIT!

Ed: WHAT?!

Val: *gets video recorder ready* OK GO!

Ed: *kisses Winry and gets on one knee* Winry... will you marry me? *opens small box with gold ring that appeared out of thin air*

Winry: Ummm... *looks over at Val, then back to Ed* YES!

Ed: WHAT?!

Winry: I said yes you Alchemy Freak.

Ed: WHA WHA WHA WHA HUH?! *falls backwards and starts twitching* Barium...Calcium...Magnesium...Scandium...Titanium 

Al: BROTHER! *rushes over*

Val: *laughing chaotically* OH MY GOD MENTAL OVERLOAD! HA!

Winry: *sticks hand out to Val*

Val: *gives Winry a hundred dollars* Best hundred buck I spent. HAHAHA!

Roy: I knew it. That was funny though.

Val: *remembers something* Is that the ring I bought?

Ling: Nope. Yours was silver with amethyst.

Val: *still worried*

**2. Roy do the same thing to Riza.**

Roy: I CAN'T!

Val: And the fraternization laws no longer apply here.

Roy: -_- *walks over to Riza and gets on one knee with another mysteriously appearing ring* Riza Hawkeye, will you please marry me?

Riza: Sir, I am afraid I will have to decline your offer.

Val: And prey tell why?

Riza: Well there is no point if it won't apply outside this warehouse.

Val: Excellent point, Riza.

**3. Ed kill the führer's Homunculus son pride and the führer for me.**

Val: *hands Ed the +BFG 9000+* Point and shoot.

Ed: *studies it and swings it around at Val*

Val: WHATCH WHERE YOU POINT THAT THING!

Ed: I won't hurt you though, right?

Val: Well yeah, but it has splash damage that will hurt you and can destroy a homunculus in one hit.

Ed: OK *shoots Wrath, Pride and Envy*

Val: It didn't say... you know what never mind. *takes the BFG and makes it disappear*

**And ValleyOfDeath here is a special message from my world's Ed "I can't believe you, you under grown peanut!"**

Val: *Shinigami Head Tilt* What are you referring to?

Ed: I think the fact your barely taller than me. JUST BARELY!

Val: Yeah, but my body is two years younger than you.

Ed: *glares*

**Ed here's some books.**

Ed: OH MY GOSH! These are the rarest books on the planet. HOW DID YOU GET THESE?!

Val: *grabs books and throws them into the Plains of Oblivion* Oops.

Ed: YOU SON OF A-

**Al here's a basket of cats.**

Al: *sweatdrops* Ummm... thanks, but can you stop sending them? Brother is getting annoyed.

Val: All the more reason to get more of them.

**And Roy here are some ignition gloves the work in the rain.**

Roy: Really? I don't see how thats possible, but just to be sure... VAL!

Val: *uses shout to make it rain*

Roy: Well they're drenched. *'snaps' and Val is enveloped in flames*

Val: *sniffs* Oh something smells good. Oh its me. *puts out fire*

**BYE from general Eron Elric, the death alchemist, yes Ed in my world I am your sister.**

Ed: What?!

Al: Uhm... cool?

Val: Well Winry is going to have a sister as well.

Winry and Ed: *realizes the meaning of that and glares*

Val: Oh hide it all you want. And, if nobody here, who the hell did I give the ring to?!

Hagraven (bird-woman thing): *appears* Why did you leave me?! Was it Ezmerelda, with her dark feathers?!

Val: Oh, I am no longer worried. *throws Hagraven into a volcano* SHE NEVER EXISTED!

**We would like to state that the creator of this is not a drunk, but included this as a videogame reference. If you can guess any references or what quest from what game this was based off, we'll give ya a virtual slice of pie.**

**+BFG 9000+ = Big Fucking Gun 9000**

**There are a bunch of little references tied in with this, so try to find them all.**

**Also the strange sentence Val said was in code. Like this:**

**R****odney**

**O****liver**

**Y****elnats**

**A****rklight**

**I****otis**

**F****rank**

**A****lvin**

**N****elson**

**S****ylvia**

**Get it? ROYAI FANS**

**Also this was a gag chapter and there will be absolutly no reference towards this chapter at all in the next one.**

**P.S. Too stupid? Too wierd? Too different? Tell me what you thought of this gag/crack whatever you want to call this kind of chapter.**


	6. Chapter 6

Val: Finally updating, and I have a very good reason I didn't!

Everyone: NO YOU DON'T!

Val:... OK let's do this thing. Its **Eron Elric aka the malchemist**

**Hello again!  
Ed! *goes to the Plains of Oblivion* Here have them back.**

Ed: *takes books* Thanks!

**Val no touchy touchy because books are sacred!**

Val: Fine, whatever.

**Ed dare you to act like you're drunk and hang around Roy for three hours.**

Ed: ...Really? Fine.

Roy: *walks in* Did I hear my name?

Ed: *stumbles over to Roy* Hey buddy, hows it going?

Roy: ... You're drunk aren't you?

Creed: Well that was quick.

Roy: Well we all know he hates my guts.

Ed: I remember that one time you did that thing and I had to not tell. I almost blackmailed you about it.

Everyone except Ed, Roy and Val: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

Ed: Weeeellll...

Roy: *quickly puts his hand over Ed's mouth* He's lying.

Creed: *sniffs* Nope you are.

Roy: *shocked* How did you-

Creed: You all have a wierd scent when you're lying.

Everyone: TELL US!

Ed: Well, it goes a little something like.

**Hi! I'm the new narrator. Oh sorry. Three hours later**

Everyone: *shocked*

Roy: *blushing*

Ed: Well, the three hours are up. Finally.

**Roy how would you respond to the fact in one dimension you are married to Riza, adopted Ed after Al died(sorry Al!), and had your own kid named Mase Hughes Mustang?**

Roy: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I WOULD NEVER ADOPT ED, AND HOW THE HELL DOES SOMEONE EVEN IMAGINE ALPHONSE DEAD?!

**Riza how would you respond to the above?**

Riza: I must agree with the Colonel.

**Hughes a: here are some pictures of your family!(in the future)**

Hughes: Well thanks! *looks at one of the pictures* IS THAT?!

Roy: What are you talking abo- *looks at picture* WHOEVER MADE THIS IS GOING TO DIE!

Val: *looks at picture and blushes* SORRY, SORRY! *takes it and puts it in his pocket* A friend of mine wanted it.

Hughes and Roy: WELL YOUR FRIEND HAS A PROBLEM!

Val: I know I am ashamed of him/her, but he/she's my friend, what can you do?

Ed: It can't be that ba- *is shown picture* WE MUST KILL WHOEVER MADE THIS!

Hughes: Well the rest are great. Thanks!

**b: dare you to lock yourself in a room with Envy(who cannot sharp shift) and shove pictures in his face for magically quickened 24 hours!**

Hughes: GLADLY!

Envy: *smiles* Sure why not.

Creed: *sticks hand in Envy's pocket and pulls out knife* Really?

Envy: *deflated* OK now I don't.

Creed: Don't care. *shoves Envy into a room with Hughes*

**24 hours later**

Envy: *bolts out of the room* Someone...kill me now.

Hughes: *jumps out and pulls out a picture* And here is one where she is swimming with her friends.

Envy: *death glare*

Creed: Well now **TruthsMessage**

**OMG! I JUST CAME UP WITH THE BEST DARE EVER! Oh and sorry if you still have a head ach Val-san... I dare Edo-Kun and Ling-Kun to have an eating competion *points to massive pile of food* and the loser has to endure 5 hours of me constantly singing I Know a song that will get on your nerves without complaint... *Smirks evilly* Oh and the winner gets to kiss Winry-chan. GO!**

Ed, Ling and Winry: WHAT?! NO WAY!

Creed: *sighs* Val talk to them.

Val: I will not talk to Ed.

Creed: Why not?

Val: I don't want to tell.

Ed: I second that.

Creed: ... YOU DID THAT!

Val: ARGH! YES!

Creed: I KNEW IT!

Winry: What is 'it'?

Val: An awesome adventure that went south.

Winry: Well that's no help.

Val: Ling just eat the food.

Ling: Fine, let's get it over with.

Everyone: Ed.

Ed: ... Fine.

**Unknown amount of time later**

Creed: AND LING WINS!

Ed: Well that was some good food. *remembers the prize and that Ling won* ...

Ling: Do I have to kiss her?

Val: Yes.

Ling: Why?

Val: Because I said so.

Ling: *goes up to Winry and kisses her*

Winry: *blushes*

Ed: *sudden weird feeling*

**Sorry to use you as a prize like this Winry-Chan but I couldn't think of anything better...**

Winry: YOU COULD HAVE USED LAN FAN OR SOMEBODY ELSE!

Val: Yeah she isn't the only girl! There's Scieszka, Lan Fan and all the others I am too lazy to name.

Creed: yep that's a good point. Anyways **Brook Uchiha-Spark Alchemist**

**I realized that Riza didnt say No to Roys proposal because she didnt love him, but because it wasnt valid outside. Ooooo :3**

Riza: Don't even think about it. Just no.

**And I dare Greed to take Riza on a date.**

Greed: And what are the rules of that date?

Val: Greed, she'll shoot you in the head if you try anything.

Greed: Oh right.

Val: Riza?

Riza: Fine.

Riza and Greed: *leave*

Val: Are we going to follow them?

Ed: No, lets just continue the story.

Val: But first *holds Dream Magnifying-Glass up to Roy's head* Wow he is killing Greed repeatedly.

Roy: *throws Val off* GET OFF MY HEAD!

Ed: *grabs the magnifying-glass and holds it up to Val's head* WOAH! *drops it* THAT IS NOT PG-13!

Val: *kururu laugh* And now **Grizz Lee**

**WHY DO I NEVER USE MY HELL FIRE ROAR?!**

Everyone: BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!

**Val, Strap Tucker and Yoki to 2 torture wheels.**

Val: I like where this is going. *straps them to the torture wheels*

Tucker: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

Yoki: LET ME GO PLEASE!

Val: NO!

**Ed, Roy, Val, Creed, Kratos, Oprah Winfrey, Envy, Flying Spaghetti Monster, Help me take my frustrations out on them**

Ed: Gladly. *summons rock pillars that crash into their bodies*

Roy: *slowly and painfully burns them*

Val: _Gaan Lah Haas!_ *absorbs the very life force from their bodies* Ah that is refreshing.

Kratos: *uses Blades of Exile to tear the them apart*

Tucker and Yoki: *regenerate, but the pain is still there*

Oprah: What do I do? *grabs gun thrown by Riza* OK then. *shoots Yoki and Tucker repeatedly*

Envy: *beats the crap out of them*

Flying Spaghetti Monster: *destroys them both with random lasers*

Tucker and Yoki: *regenerate again*

Creed: *claws them half to death*

Grizz: *tears them apart*

Val: That was very entertaining.

**Riza, Havoc, Breda, Fury, Falman, Black Hayate, have a 6 way Western Duel**

Val: *after everyone gets into position* Ready... GO!

** FIVE SECONDS LATER!**

Hayate: *sitting there wagging his tail while everyone else is dead*

Val:... DAMN!

**48, Barry, Al, Pimp your Armor, then go to an auto show.**

48: I'll kill you before I do.

Barry: I don't think so.

Al: I don't wanna!

Val: *scarred* OK you don't have to don't hurt me!

Everyone: *surprised*

Val: *twitching and pale on the ground* Al... cat army... Dragon Bane... so cold...

Creed:... He's broken.

**Tucker, It disgusts me that you have the same voice as Stein, so I'll let him dissect you. *draws arrows pointing to Tucker crotch* Stein, you might wanna start here, then work your way up in a zigzag motion.**

Val: STIEN!

Stien: *approaches Tucker* Lets get to it.

Val: I don't dissect much, but it is fun to stick them in a grain grinder feet first, and see how far they go in before they die.

Stien: I have my own way to do it, but thanks for your input. *drags Tucker off to who knows where*

**INDUBITABLY INTERESTING FACTOID!: Almost every FMA voice actor works for Soul Eater.**

** Ed-Spirit**

Val: SO ED IS GOING TO BE A DRUNK PLAYER WITH A DAUGHTER THAT DOESN'T LOVE HIM AS MUCH AS HE LOVES HER AND CHEATS ON HIS WIFE?!

Ed: I WILL NOT!  
** Al-Crona**

Val: Well they both seem harmless but are pretty awesome.

Al: Cool  
** Roy-Free**

Roy: I HAVE THE SAME VOICE AS A RETARDED CRIMINAL?!

Val: PFFFFF! XD  
** Ling-Kid**

Ling: I have nothing to really complain about.  
** Pride-Black*star**

Pride: I can't believe I have the same voice as a naruto knock-off!  
** Nina-Patty**

Nina: Cool  
** May-Tsubake**

May: Cool?  
** Lust-Maka**

Lust: I have the same voice as a heroin? huh.  
** Greed-Asura**

Greed: That guy has the same voice as me? He is crazy!  
** Olivier-Arachne**

Olivier: Well I get the voice of a lazy villain who does vary little to impact the story at all. *sighs*

Val: Its true! Look at GRArkada's youtube account  
** Hughes-Ragnarok**

Hughes: Well I hate him. All he cares about is candy and is a jerk.  
** Hohenheim-Lord Death**

Hohenheim: He can't have my voice. He's too goofy.

Val: Its true. **Musa1992**

**AWW MAN! ED, I DARE YOU TO STAB YOURSELF 190 TIMES DAMMIT! BEAT THAT MOTHAH F*****! Me wuvs weird stories!**

Ed: Hell no!

Val: *glares*

Ed: *stabs himself 190 times* OH MY GOD DA PAIN!

Val: HAHAHAHA! NOW **Lilybriar of PondClan**

**These people come up with some pretty good dares! I'm still trying to think of a good one...**  
** I've noticed Ed doesn't wear that military outfit even though he's a state alchemist and wonder why. (Imagines) Oh. Well, I dare Ed to do that then**  
** Lb**

Val: Well I always thought he was too small to fit into one!

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE CAN FIT IN A SQUIRRELS MOUTH?!

Val: Oh well, HEDIYOSHI!

Hediyoshi: *walks in* On it. *disappears for a few seconds and reappears standing next to Val* Done.

Ed: *suddenly wearing the uniform* DA FUQ?!

Everyone else: *impressed*

Val: Well that's the end of that. **SlothZilla**

**OKAY THEN Mr. Immortal you have to get in that one timelord doohickey that changes your race, become human AND THEN the entire cast has have to beat the crap out of you :) im very happy now**

Val: OK then Mr. Retard. First off, that "doohickey" is called a Chameleon Arch. Second of all, I AM human, I just have dragon blood coursing through my veins, so I can't change.

Everyone: *goes ahead and gangs up on him*

**ABOUT 30 MINUTES LATER**

Everyone except Val: *dead or severely injured*

Val: What? He didn't say I couldn't fight back. *revives everyone*

Creed: Well that was pointless.

Val: Yep *eats some Lays chips*

Random Guy: *runs in and grabs a chip* I'll take a potato chip...AND EAT IT!

Everyone except Val: *da fuq look*

Val: *glares and shaking* IF SOMEONE MENTIONS DEATH NOTE EVER AGAIN IN A FANDOM NOT ABOUT DEATH NOTE, ONE MORE TIME, I'LL KILL ALL YA!

Ed: What's your problem with it? It was pretty good.

Val: WELL YEAH, UNTIL AFTER EPISODE 25, WHERE THE ANIME PLUNGED INTO A DARK ABYSS I CALL "ANIME HELL"!

Ed: Well maybe, but the movies were good.

Val: THE MOVIES ARE BETTER ANYWAYS! THEY MAKE THE ANIME POINTLESS AND ARE MUCH BETTER! YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST WATCH ALL THE MOVIES! ... They are all going to kill me aren't they?

Ed: Depends on whether or not they're Fanboys/Fangirls.

Val: Also, if you haven't, go to my profile and check out the poll. Which story should I continue? I'll also take it in review form if you're a guest and can't vote. (ie. Grizz)


	7. Chapter 7

Val: I DON'T OWN FMA!... *mutters* Except my OCs

Creed: YOU DON'T OWN ME!

Val: *evil glint in his eye* Oh really?

Creed: *suddenly grabs Bianca's hand and leads her into another room*

Ed:... Well whatever, next is **Ezu-san**

**I dare Roy and riza to do the pocky game!  
* hands a box of pocky * Dont disappoint your  
Happy Royai fan!**

Val: What the hell is a pocky game?

Creed: *whispers it into Val's ear*

Val: So Lady and The Tramp with pocky?

Roy: Val before you even ask-

Val: Whoever wins doesn't have to do their next dare.

Roy: LETS DO IT!

Riza:... Very well.

Roy and Riza: *put a pocky between them and bite down*

Val: Aaaand go.

Roy and Riza: *slowly bite forward, getting closer and closer*

Every Royai Fan: *getting ready to screech/yell in triumph*

Roy and Riza: *reach the end and fight over the last piece, also kind of kissing in the process*

Every Royai Fan Except Val: *screeching or yelling in triumph*

Val: Hell yeah! Go Roy!

Roy and Riza: *eventually Roy wins*

Val: *gets twenty bucks from Ed*

Roy and Riza: *even though they are finished, they're still going*

Val:

Creed: *comes back with Bianca and is blushing* I HATE YOU!

Bianca: *blushing but refuses to speak*

Val: I know you do! Was it fun?

Creed: W-well I-I-I... DAMN IT VAL I HATE YOU!

Val:... Don't care. Now its **Grizz Lee**!

**I have no dares...but I HAVE GIFTS!**

Ed: I have a bad feeling about this.

Val: You and everyone else.**  
ED: I brought you a book entitled "Milk and You."**

Ed: *takes book and reads it* This book is total crap! Wait, *reads a section again* what's almond milk?

Val: Its... almond milk... HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW?!

Ed:... Well can I try it?

Val: *surprised* Why?

Ed: So these idiots will get off my back about me not drinking milk, and I actually like almonds.

Val: *hands him a glass*

Everyone: *stares in amazement as Ed drains the glass*

Ed:... That was good.**  
RIZA: I got you a new golden gun that shoots water bullets!  
**Riza: Well thanks, I guess.

Val: For fire demons, or Roy.

Roy: ... Really?**  
TUCKER: I got you a watermelon!**

Tucker: Why thank you! *takes watermelon*

Val: Tucker! Gimme that watermelon!

Tucker: *watermelon explodes and a tiny Ed and Winry jumps out*

Tucker *dead from exploding watermelon*

Everyone except Ed, Val and Winry: *stares at the little Ed and Winry* SO CUTE!

Lil' Ed: *kisses Lil' Winry* I love you!

Lil' Winry: *kisses Lil' Ed back* I love you too!

Ed and Winry: *point at each other* WHY DO I HAVE THE URGE TO KISS YOU?!

Val: OOOH! Its cursed dolls! Never knew they still made these! They reveal your darkest desires and fuel them.

Lil' Val: *jumps out of the watermelon and grabs Lil' Ed*

Val: ... OH YOU ARE ALL FUCKED!

Lil' Val: *tears Lil' Ed in two and grabs Lil' Winry* KUKUKUKUKUKUKUKU!

Everyone: *glares at Val* REALLY?!

Val: ... *steps on Li'l Val*

Lil' Val: *dies*

Val: And that's the end of that. **fieranshipper**, distract them before I get killed... again.

**I have a dare for Ed. Sit perfectly still without any reaction for 1 hour while a slideshow of all the sad things you've ever seen is played and you have to watch. I'm sorry Ed :( *hugs***

Ed: *dodges hug* WHAT KIND OF DARE IS THAT?!

Val: *uses magic rope to tie Ed to a chair* Sorry Ed. *places Ed in front of TV and turns it on, also forcing Ed's eyes open*

**One Hour Later**

Val: *snaps and all the ropes and crap disappear*

Ed: *falls to the ground*

Winry: *checks* He's broken.

Val: Huhh... Now **Musa1992**

**YUSH! BLOOOOOOD! sorry, sometimes my emo side comes out :3 anyways,**

**I DARE ED TO BE A FAIRY PRINCESS BALLERINA FOR 3 HOURS WHILE ROY PLAYS DAH BARNEY THEME SONG ON A PINK AND SPARKLY HARP!**

Val: FUN FACT TIME! Did you know that being 'emo' is actually centered around the music. Emotional Hardcore to be exact. And has nothing to do with self-destruction, depression or... loving the sight of blood.

Roy: I WANT TO SKIP-

Val: NOT VALID AT THE MOMENT!

Roy: *glares* Damn you.

Ed: *dresses up as a fairy princess ballerina* I hate you -_-

Roy: *plays Barney them song on the pink sparkling harp*

Ed: *dances to the music*

Everyone else: *passes out from laughing too hard*

**Three Hours Later**

Ed: *rips off fairy princess ballerina costume, failing to remember he isn't wearing anything under it (except underwear you pervs!)* Crap!

SREFGs: *break down unbreakable door and swarm Ed*

Ed: ZOH MY GOD DA PAIN! *has hair being torn out and even flakes of skin missing*

Val: *glares at the SREFGs* NOBODY HURTS ED... *uses 'drain life' shout to drain the life out of all of the SREFGs* EXCEPT ME, AND THE OTHER CAST MEMBERS!

Ed: *gets up and glares* Thanks a lot.

Val: *eyes widen and turns around* Umm...you need to get some clothes.

Ed: *looks down and eyes widen* OH MY GOD! *grabs the clothes Val conjured and puts them on*

Val: *turns back around* Now that the fangirls are gone and Ed is dressed, lets con-

Roy: *walks over, sparkling*

Val: Roy you can stop sparkling.

Roy:... I don't think I can.

Val: Well who cares! Now **Brook Uchiha-Spark Alchemist**

**Hellow everyone! Again... 3 things:  
1) Oh yes Riza-san. I went there. Is it a bad thing i ship you and Roy i mean ITS SO CUTE OMGS LIKE COME ON AWWWWWWWWWW**

Everyone: Hi... again.

Riza: Well... its not that bad that you do, but it gets annoying when everyone is talking about it. And, the Colonel has a girlfriend right now.

Roy: Actually I had to dump her.

Val: Why?

Roy: She seemed to love... special relationships between me and...Fullmetal.

Val:... Oh. OH! OH MY GOD NO!

Roy: Exactly.

Val: *shudders*

Ed: Why me?

**2) I dare Ed to call himself short then hug Pride (Selim, its Brotherhood i forget if this story goes off Brotherhood or the 2003) and call him the cutest most huggable thing ever**

Val: Well... its kinda both. And Pride, NO SHADOWS!

Pride: *huffs* Fine.

Ed: I am... short. OH MY GOD I JUST CALLED MYSELF A TINY LITTLE BEAN SPROUT!

Val: *attempts to hide smile and not laugh* *attempt fails*

Ed: *hugs Pride* YOU ARE THE CUTEST MOST HUGGABLE THING EVER!

Pride: *barely stops himself from killing Ed*

Ed: *let's go and retreats*

**3) I dare all the people from Xing to sit through a 48 hour speech from Alphonse about how cats are soooo cute and fuzzy etc.**

All The People From Xing: umm...OK? *sits in the ever-expanding room*

Al: *walks up to microphone* OK the cat is the cutest, fuzziest and huggable creature for these reasons.

**48 Painfully Boring Hours Later**

All The People From Xing: *asleep or barely awake*

Val: Well, now **SlothZilla.**

**OKAY THEN MR. JERK WHO TWISTS PEOPLES DARES AROUND. This is where I come in.*An angry blood thirsty vampiric SlothZilla with red eyes and Dragon Bane covered claws walks in* IM GONNA RIP AND CLAW AND STAB YOU UNTIL THERES NOTHING LEFT BUT YOUR STUPID OUTFIT! And you can't do a thing about it. *smiles widely as claws stretch out***

Val: ... well he beat me.

Everyone: *amazed*

Val: *stands there, desolate and defeated*

SlothZilla: *charges Val* DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! *claws Val to nothingness*

*the world ends and there is nothing but darkness*

?: What just happened?

?: I have a theory.

?: Marcoh, is that you?

?: Yes its me. My theory is, hen SlothZilla killed Val for real, this world ceased to exist. There is now no author, and therefore, no story.

?: Does that mean this story ends here?

?:No. Not exactly. If we go on a magnificent adventure, filled with danger and drama, we could revive Val and resume the story.

?: *all the voices other than Marcoh* We are gonna go make a sandwich. You want anything?

?:... Tuna please.

**A/N: Well they better f*cking revive me soon. And can anyone say yay for early update? See ya next time! And did I get the pocky thing right? I have no idea what that's about and I went to Wikipedia for the info. Also, like I said last chapter, POLL. GO. NOW.**

**So far its:**

**I am Creed: 1**

**Secret Of The Coward's Blade: 0 (except my accidental one, which doesn't count)**

**Oh and SREFG means Super Rabid Ed Fan Girls.**


	8. Chapter 8

Val: And we're back. Surprisingly the guys banded together and went on that awesome adventure to revive me.

Ed: We just didn't want to live in darkness for eternity.

Val: Whatever, next is **Polarized**** Penmanship**

**Hohenheim to turn into a duck.**

Val: *grabs you're hand and holds it in my hands, sinks to my knees with tears in my eyes, as roses are flying by on a non-existent wind* Thank you for the easiest dare ever! (extra points for a Tamaki moment? *prays you are a girl* *and if you aren't it doesn't matter because it's a Tamaki moment*) *turns hohenheim into a duck*

Hohenheim: Quack!

**Lan Fan to go for an entire week without wearing her mask**  
** Ling to go for an entire week without food. Only vitamin water.**

Val: *hands Ling a vitamin water* Sucks to be you dude.

Lan Fan: *removes her mask*

**A Week Later**

Ling: *laying on the ground* Food...need...food.

Val: *summons a buffet*

Ling: *dives in* Thank you!

Val: You're welcome. And Lan Fan, how was that week without your mask?

Lan Fan: There was nothing really different about it. Except that some guy kept following and saying he loved me.

Val: Really? Who was it?

Lan Fan: Well he sounded like you.

Val: ...Huh?

Lan Fan: He did.

Val: Well...I am confused now.

**Ed to chug a carton of milk**

Ed: You know what? SCREW YOU! *chugs carton of milk* Happy?!

**Ed to admit he's short**

Ed: Grrrr... I am short. *twitches*

**Lust to get a manicure**

Val: Lust...

Lust: Fine. *goes to get a manicure*

Val: Well that was easy.

**Olivier Armstrong to get a perm**

Olivier: And why should I do that?

Val: Because I have a map of a secret tunnel system Drachma can use to bypass Briggs altogether.

Olivier: *growls* Fine. But you're dead Dovakin. *gets a perm*

**Ed to allow Winry to upgrade his automail arm to a giant crushing alligator-mouth thing**

Ed: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Winry: It's a dare, do it!

Ed: *growls and gets ready*

Winry: *gets to work on Ed's automail arm*

**Unknown Amount Of Time Later**

Ed: *brandishes his new alligator-mouth thing* Hmm... *charges Val*

Val: *without turning* Oh Ed... *intercepts the giant automail arm with one hand and flips Ed over him with the flick of the wrist* Well that was boring. Oh well, **Eron Elric aka the malchemist**

**ve Ni hao guys!  
Ed dare you to read twenty parental!royEd fics!(under M!)ve**

Everyone: Ni hao!

Val: Huh. They can speak Chinese even though Amestris is in real world Germany. Hmm... Edward du bist meine ewige Hündin

Ed: NO I AM NOT!

Val: *laughs*

Ed: Fine I like reading anyways. *reads the parental!RoyEd* Wow... some of these stories are pretty good... and they are pretty... accurate as well.

**Roy, you read them too mister!**

Roy: Sure. *reads them* Like Fullmetal said... they are pretty accurate... and well written.

Roy and Ed: *awkward silence*

**Nee Riza! I dare you to read one Ed focused torture/hurt/comfort fic, and a Roy based one(under M)**

Riza: Very well. *reads the fic Val hands her* ...Sir.

Roy: Wha- *barely dodges bullet* What the hell?!

Riza: *hands him fanfiction*

Roy: *reads fanfic* WHAT THE HELL?! VAL!

Val: *innocent smile* Oh come on. It's a hurt/comfort fic! It's not M!

Roy: *reading from fanfic* "Roy looked at the blonde boy before him, he stared into his golden eyes. 'But I really do.' Edward was taken by surprise as Roy planted a-" OK THATS IT I AM BURNING YOU ALL TO ASHES!

Ed: *seriously disturbed*

Riza: *reads the Roy hurt/comfort fic* ! *blushes*

Val: *smiling* I wonder what she read. KUKUKUKUKU!

**Al. . . Konnichiwa! Again. . . Please kill the Homunculi, Shou, and Kimmbly**

Al: Konnichiwa! *after watching the entire series thanks to yours truly* Gladly! GO CAT ARMY! *releases a bunch of cats*

Kimblee: I told you, my name is Kimblee. *is killed by cats*

Homunculi: Oh sh- *cats kill them*

Tucker: Why m- *death by cats*

**Not dear Envy, you Homunculi are some of the first villains I don't like! Might be because you all have * annoying voices(Japanese, English, FMA, or, fmab!)**

Val: We will let this slide, but anything else must be written as a dare.

Envy: Yeah well screw you! I hate you humans, with or without annoying voices. Probably why I loved killing that stupid human. Along with everything I said before, I just love killing you all.

Val: Envy. Death. Now.

Mustang: *burns Envy to death*

Val: Now **Brook Uchiha-Spark Alchemist**

**Hmm well I'll never be done screaming about royai really cuz its my OTP and like about 12 of my friends love it too... ANYWAY i dare Val to kill whoever she dislikes/is jealous of in the cast :)**

Val: ... I am a guy. Oh well, nobody dies from me being jealous of them, but dislike. *kills the Homunculi, Tucker, Father, Kimblee and a beetle named Jim*

Ed: Well I guess now its **class A daydreamer!**

**I dare for Ed to marry me, then jilt me at the alter to profess his love to Ling. They shall then passionately make out as Winry throws wrenches at them and Alphonse and Roy pour milk on Ed. Ling, you just look awesome and hot, like you normally do 3. I must be there to view it ALL. **  
** Hugs, **  
** Class A Daydreamer. But you can call me Ariana.**

Val: Oooh! A challenge. Lets go! (I know next to nothing about weddings so I am just gonna wing it):

The Wedding was going perfect so far. Everyone was there (yes everyone), nothing had been screwed up and Ed was staring at his beautiful bride, Ariana. The only things left were the 'I do's.

"Ariana, do you take this man, to be your loving husband, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

"I do."

"And do you, Edward Elric, take Ariana, to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

Ed looked down. He had thought about this for a while, but now he was sure.

"I...don't." The room was filled with gasps, and then a moment of DEAD AIR!

"W-what?" Ariana felt tears well up in her eyes.

"I can't... because... I love Ling!" Edward ran off into the arms of Ling. As they looked into each others eyes, their lips met and they engaged in a French kiss. Winry shot up, angry that A)she had spent a ton of money on her dress. B) Edward just made Ariana cry. And C) SHE WANTED HIM TO PROFESS HIS LOVE TO HER DAMN IT! She glared at Ed before throwing wrenches at lightning speed.

Al and Roy decided to try and remove Ed from Ling by repeatedly pouring milk on him, but to no avail. As Ariana watches this all, she cries her eyes out.

Val: And that's that.

Ed: That was horrible. *is hit with a water balloon filled with milk*

Val: *tossing and catching another milk-filled water balloon* And now **lotrprincess**

**Wow, I feel like everybody's being evil to their favorite characters. I wanted to be the exception, but I couldn't think of any nice dares that weren't boring :P Oh, well.**

Edward, I dare you to have a buzz cut.

Ed: WHAT?!

Val: *without warning, gives him a buzz cut*

Ed:... YOU ASSHOLE!

**Mustang, I dare you to suggest hypodermic immunizations to Ed.**

Roy: Gladly. *takes out needle* Hey Ed!

Ed: What? *looks and sees the needle* ... *runs*

Roy: COME BACK HERE FULLMETAL BRAT! *runs after him*

Val: *laughing*

**Trisha, I dare you to come back to life (in your normal body, NOT a human transmutation product) and give your boys a hug.**

Val: Oh, THAT was who I was forgetting. *brings Trisha to life*

Trisha: *looks at Ed and Al and smiles* Hello boys!

Ed and Al: MOM! *glomps Trisha and hugs her tight*

Trisha: *hugs them back*

Val: ... What? I'm not always evil. Now **Dragonfire Alchemist!**Welcome back D-fire!

***poofs up the Stone of Life (I AM UNORIGINAL DEAL WITH IT MWHAHAHA)* Use it to revive the author!**

** Anyways, I have a dare for Roy... and partially Ed. **  
** Roy, no matter WHAT Ed says or does in the next five hours, you cannot speak. You ALSO may not resist if Ed does something that annoys the crap outta you, which I am sure he will. **  
** HAVE FUN, ED!**

Ed: Well thanks, but we already found a way. *evil smile* Thanks for letting me piss off Colonel Bastard. Get ready!

**Five Extremely Annoying Hours Later**

Roy: *angry*

**Roy, you have to give Ed a ten minute head start after the five hours is up before you try to murder him. Hehe.**  
** (Private telepathy to Ed: RUN TO BRIGGS. Olivier dislikes Roy and will probably terrify him into submission if he ventures on her turf to find you...)**

Roy: Damn it.

Ed: Thanks! *runs like hell... straight into a wall* OW!

Val: *forms three other walls to box Ed in* Where do you think you're going?

Ed: *uses alchemy to break a hole in the box* HAHA! *gets kicked in the jaw*

Val: You can't leave this warehouse. *battles Ed*

**Nine Minutes Of Intense Battling Later**

Val: *lying on the ground dead*

Creed: Who used the Dragon Bane?

Riza: *holds up her hand, in another is the smoking gun*

Creed: *sighs* He'll revive in a minute or so.

Ed: I'm gonna escape! *reaches the door* See ya suckers! *opens the door only to be engulfed in flames*

**Unknown Amount Of Time Later**

Ed: *lying on the ground, smoking*

Roy: Your burns will heal in a week or so.

Val: *is revived and heals Ed* Well we need him now for a dare.

Ed: *healed* But we're out of dares.

Val: Nope. I have a dare for all the male cast members. *hands sheets of paper to every male member* Ed is italicized and everyone else is in parenthesis. Ed is singing this to Winry with all the male members as the chorus (parenthesis). Go!

Song- Gives You Hell

Artist- All-American Rejects

_I wake up every evening with a big smile on my face_

_And it never feels out of place_

_And you're still probably working at a 9 to 5 pace_

_I wonder how bad that tastes_

_When you see my face_

_Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell_

_When you walk my way_

_hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell._

_Now where's your picket fence, love?_

_And where's that shiny car?_

_And did it ever get you far?_

_You never seemed so tense, love_

_I've never seen you fall so hard_

_Do you know where you are?_

_And truth be told I miss you_

_And truth be told I'm lying_

_When you see my face_

_hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell_

_When you walk my way_

_hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell,_

_If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well,_

_Than he's a fool, you're just as well, hope he gives you hell_

_I hope he gives you hell._

_Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself_

_Yeah, when did it all go wrong?_

_But the list goes on-and-on_

_Truth be told I miss you,_

_And truth be told I'm lying_

_When you see my face Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell,_

_When you walk my way_

_Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell_

_If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well_

_Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope he gives you hell._

_Now you'll never see what you've done to me_

_You can take back your memories, they're no good to me_

_And there's all your lies, you can look me in the eyes_

_With that sad, sad look that you wear so well_

_(When you see my face_

_Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell_

_When you walk my way_

_Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell_

_When you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well_

_Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope he gives you hell.)_

_When you see my face_

_Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell (hope it gives you hell!)_

_When you walk my way_

_Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell (hope it gives you hell)_

_When you hear this song and you sing along, well you'll never tell_

_And you're the fool, I'm just as well, hope it gives you hell_

_When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell_

_You can sing along, I hope that it puts you through hell_

Ed: *huffing* How was that?

Val: *jaw drops* That... was... AWESOME!

**Sorry for not updating this but they sure took their time reviving me. See ya! Look up 'Gives You Hell' It is an awesome song. And I'd also recommend 'Remember The Name' CLEAN version. 'Shut Me Up' and 'Gorgeous Nightmare' all can be found as Soul Eater AMVs on Youtube. Check them out they are great songs. Oh and 'Survive (I Wasn't Built To Lose)'**


End file.
